Return to the throne

Yes, the rumors are true. Potty blogger is back in the building.

What’s truly wonderful about spending some time away from the bathrooms of 720 California is that when you return, you see them with fresh eyes.

And smell them with fresh nostrils.

Which brings me to my list of “The Top 3 Things That Surprised Me About Returning to the 4th Floor Men’s Room at 720 California.”

1. The New Smell of Freshness

There’s a whole new aroma bouquet up in this joint. In the last year, cans of Febreze have appeared on the bathroom counters (you can smell the cancer in the air!) and it’s clear that more than one person in the building is spritzing with abandon.

But the big upgrade are the lime green urinal splash guards that smell as if they were marinated in my grandmother’s potpourri bowl. They are so over powering that my knees buckled a bit while conducting some #1 business earlier this week.

My nose thanks you for the “progress.”

2. Clean Yo Shit Up

When a problem rises to the level of “I better get my ass to the trophy shop and have a sign made,” you know a line has been crossed.

I can only imagine how bad the stack of crumbled paper towels must have gotten to force the company to invest in these counter-top engravings.

The lack of capitalization and punctuation leaves me a little confused as how to read. Right now, it reads like a kid with turrets who doesn’t really want to yell at you and smiles a lot so he doesn’t seem like a dick…but he’s still kind of a dick.

3. Butthole-In-The-Middle-Of-His-Back Still Works Here 

I’m not sure if this is a source of comfort or horror.

For those of you who may not be familiar with this particular character, he is Potty Blogger’s Moby Dick--a pooping nemesis that did such unspeakable work, that he became a minor fascination.

His signature is a splatter pattern that suggests a physiology very different from you and I. While have never seen the creature in the wild, inspection of the evidence suggests that this man’s butthole is the middle of the back. It’s the only explanation for some of the things that I’ve seen.

There’s been quite a bit of turnover in the past 18 months at 720 California, so I assumed that this pooping-unicorn had probably moved on.

But yesterday, the third floor penthouse stall proved otherwise.

It's nice to know that the men's rooms of 720 California still have the power to shock.