False alarm?

So there I am, sitting in the penthouse stall. (Yes, I’m aware that a large number of postings start this way. There’s no shame in regularity.)

The Peter Brady stall was occupied by a fellow traveler, also in mid-business.

The door to the restroom opened, a new contestant entered and headed for the stall of last resort. He locked the door and sat. Less than a minute later, he rose, did not flush, exited the stall, breezed past the sinks and exited the restroom.

Of course, I was curious. I finished my transaction, flushed properly and went to inspect.

As I suspected...nothing. The bowl was clear. He wasn’t really in there long enough and there was a complete lack of audio evidence.

But it means that a co-worker just popped into a stall for a minute without a colon-ary reason. Was it a false alarm? Or did he just need a “Calgon, take me away!” privacy moment to get away from it all?

Whatcha doin' in there, bud?

A regular reader sent this photo to potty blogger with the following subject line: "3rd floor men's room. DE-LUX stall, 2:35 p.m. today"

And the message that accompanied the photo: "Victoria's Secret. She's hiding in the toilet seat cover box."

Thanks to the mobile phone force for bringing this to our attention. (We're so grateful for the tip, we'll refrain from asking if it would have killed him to flip off the douchey hipstamatic effect on his phone so we could actually make out the image.)

There's something disturbing (and wonderful) about a co-worker taking what is, essentially, soft-core pornography into the stall with him. Leaving it for the next patron kicks it up a notch. Placing it in the toilet seat cover box takes it to 11.

Thank you, generous sicko. Thank you.

This is not a gift

Men, let's review what I like to call "the spectrum of generosity."

At one of the spectrum--leaving a magazine in the stall (a respectful distance from the bowl, of course.) This can be a delightful surprise for the next visitor.

At the other end of the spectrum--leaving any sort of human remnant in the bowl. This is never a delightful surprise for the next visitor.

Also toward the "unwanted" end of the spectrum--a warm, used toilet seat cover. (See above photo.) Yes, the bowl was clear and I thank you for that. But if you were conscientious enough to discard your human waste with a flush, would it have killed you to make sure that seat cover also made the trip?

Instead, upon entering the penthouse stall, I was treated to a perfectly preserved relief of your ass cheeks. And, since your initial flush had ripped of the seat cover's paper (also known as "the dangly") there was no anchor to pull the object down with an additional flush.

My only option was to use my hands to dislodge your leftover--an option I soundly rejected and moved on to another stall.

Remember, men. Flush...look...if not ALL clear, flush again. Repeat as necessary.