Actually, I’d rather not have one of your BMs on my coffee table

Most of you, dear readers, are good people. Decent. Hard working. Respectable. (Well...decent and hardworking, anyway.)

But some of you are freaks.

I know this because some of you send me all sorts of horrible filth. Yes, I do appreciate a good tip about a crime scene here at 720 California. No, I don’t need you to send me an iPhone snap of the two-footer you dropped in the Mission this weekend.

What is interesting is that you really can’t judge a book by its cover when it comes to this stuff.

Just this week, one of the sweetest, loveliest, young-lady co-workers here at 720 California shocked me by suggesting--out of the blue and with no context, “You should do a coffee table book of toilet bowl shots. Weird shapes. Gruesome splatter patterns. But arty, you know?”

Um...OK.

Is there really a demand for such a coffee table book, dear readers? Can you really see that one in the bargain bin at Barnes & Noble? And who, exactly, is the intended recipient of that gift? “Hey grandma, you’re super hard to shop for, but I think you’re going to love my Christmas present this year.”

I'm sure granny will love it. Because it’s arty, you know?