Wednesday, April 1, 2009

A report from the third floor

720california4thfloormensroom.blogspot.com is not about a single location. It’s really more of a state of mind. A way of seeing the world. In that spirit, we will cover the goings-on in other men’s rooms in the building.

Today’s destination: third floor men’s room. If fourth floor men’s room is Hawaii, then third floor men’s room is Beirut.

First of all, there is the flickering light bulb. It gives third floor men’s room kind of a coroner’s lab vibe. It’s dim and the incessant tap-tap-tap of the fixture trying to light prevents any quality “alone time.” It doesn’t matter if they replace the bad bulb; another always picks up the baton.

Second, we go to the wall color. “Asphyxiation blue” according to the label.

But THE distinguishing feature of third floor men’s room is that big-boy urinal is a no-hands auto-flush while little-man urinal remains a manual flush.

Unfortunately, it appears that a large number of third floor men’s room patrons are visually impaired, because nobody seems to realize that a manual flush is required on the little-man urinal. The result is piss potpourri (literally “rotten pot” in French)--a stagnant trough of urine that gives third floor men’s room that mmmmm-delicious bus stop smell.

Let us take a vow together, men: I will use my hand to flush the little-man once I am done with my #1 business.

No, it won’t solve all of the problems of third foor men’s room, but baby steps, guys. Baby steps.

(Just in case some of you don’t know the difference between auto and manual plush, here is a handy visual guide. Print it out. Put it in your wallet. Be Safe.)

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