Piece of garbage celebrates one-month anniversary

You know that gold crown thing that's been hanging out on top of the third floor penthouse toilet for the past month?

Earlier this week, it made a break for it.

It is no longer sitting on top of the back lip of the toilet, but has scurried into a corner of the penthouse stall. Where it has been sitting for the past three days.

When does something actually become "garbage" in a 720 California restroom? Apparently, the janitorial and maintenance staff has been instructed: "Please do not discard any unidentified item for at least six to eight weeks."

So if it this thing is yours, you might want to grab it today. Because in a few weeks, somebody is going to throw it away. Maybe.

What the hell is THAT?

By now, all of us at 720 California are used to the idea that the business chamber may contain an unexpected surprise.

But the urinal is a different story.

Sure, people drop stuff in there from time to time. But when one finds a substance of an...organic nature, well, that’s news, folks.

Several people stopped by potty blogger’s work station today with some version of “Dude, have you seen that thing in the big boy urinal? What IS it?”

I have no idea. But it’s sitting there on top of the urinal cake, quietly mocking us all. (And no, I will not post a picture.)

When I first saw it this morning, my first guess was, “piece of tomato.” But when my brain failed to come up with even one possible scenario for a person eating a BLT in front of the urinal, I decided to make a closer inspection.

I wish that I hadn’t.

It is definitely “man made.” A lougie? No. At least, it does not conform to any known lougie specification as it could not be dislodged with a steady stream.

A colleague suggested “kidney stone,” and the mere thought of a co-worker dropping a stone at the urinal made me throw up a little bit in my mouth. But another colleague (whose medical credentials include two semesters as a dorm EMT in college) said that it is most definitely not a kidney stone.

So, the mystery remains. There is an unidentified foreign object sitting atop the urinal cake in the big boy urinal. If you are responsible, please explain yourself.

Nobel Piss Prize

Friday afternoon keg of beer on the loading dock = one colleague spending close to ten minutes at the big boy urinal. Sources tell potty blogger that audio evidence suggests a good three-to-four minute uninterrupted stream.

We salute you, urinary wonder.

Smells like nervous tummy

Walked into first floor men's room this morning and it smelled like a tire fire.

Or rather, it smelled like somebody lit a tire fire, put that tire fire into their anus, let it burn for a while, and then released it into one of the stalls.

This is a chronic problem for first floor men's room for one reason: job applicants.

A job applicant arrives at our building for a job interview. He takes a seat in the first floor waiting area. He is nervous. His tummy starts to rumble. He decides to make a pre-inteview stop in first floor men's room. The results are rarely pretty.

We're out of cake

Whoa.

Looks like somebody on third floor wasn't too happy about having to work this weekend. Because over the course of 48 hours, he obliterated the big boy urinal cake. (See sad finger nail-sized cake remnant in adjacent photo. That's one small slice o' blue frosting, friends.)

Our sources say the cake was intact Friday afternoon. (Hey, we've got to give the Potty Blogger intern something to do.) This morning...not so much.

A couple of observations:

1. How angry do you have to be to generate enough water-pressure to destroy an industrial-sized block of chemical freshener?

2. If your urine toxicity is at a level where such a feat is possible, you may want to drink a few more glasses of water each day.

3. What's the over/under on the number of weeks/years before the cake is replaced?

4. We've all gotten spoiled the last few weeks by having the cake in place, but it's time to start flushing again, men. An easy way to remember: if the water is still yellow, you haven't flushed.

No pilgrims, please

What's wrong with you people?

Apparently, the security guard here at 720 California recently turned away several visitors who walked in off the street and asked to be let upstairs so they could see the fourth floor men's room.

Yes, this blog recently received some unexpected press and acquired some new fans. But I really don't think you need to plan your family vacation around a visit. It's a bathroom, people. And from the photos posted, you've pretty much seen the whole thing.

My guess is that our visitors didn't just want to "see" the bathroom, but perhaps make an contribution to the decor--a contribution so extraordinary that it would garner coverage here.

Let's be adults about this, shall we? I don't sneak into your office and take a dump on your floor. So maybe you could forgo your little adventure in mine?

On silverware and body pockets

The other day, I headed in to use the urinal, saw that the big boy was taken and saddled up to the little man.

I shot a quick glance to my right to see who was standing next to me and was surprised to find...a spoon sticking out of his mouth.

Apparently, he had both hands on the wheel. Considering the alternate places he could have stuck the spoon, I suppose he made the right choice.

But how does one find himself at the urinal with a spoon?

"Mmmm...let me just finish up this yogurt on my way to relieve myself." Actually, this scenario is impossible at 720 California; thanks to our progressive trash policy, there is no place to dispose of a yogurt container in the men's room. Unless this gentlemen was storing the yogurt container somewhere else on his person.

I can only think of one reason you would need to take a utensil into the bathroom and, frankly, that work is best left to a qualified physician.

Let's keep the silverware in the kitchen, men.