Wednesday, May 18, 2011

I need you to suck more and tumble less

Here at 720 California, certain toilets on certain floors have long had difficulty digesting a full “meal.”

But with a recent hiring explosion, something has happened to the water pressure in the building. When you add another 200 poopers into the mix, even the most robust plumbing system is bound to shudder under new demands.

As a result, the toilets in the stalls have developed a new coping mechanism--to give the appearance of function, they have adopted a tumbling regimen where once they sucked and swallowed.

This results in some odd creations.

For example, just yesterday, after a bit of business in the penthouse stall, I grabbed some toilet tissue, cleaned up and tossed it in the bowl. But when I hit flush, it did not suck the contents into the bowels of the plumbing system. Rather, it tumbled my turdlets and the wad of toilet paper into a cyclone, mashing them together in what can only be described as an everlasting gobstobber of shit. (See above photo.)

As fascinating (and oddly beautiful) as that is, the toilet’s job really isn’t to create fecal art projects, but to dispose of waste.

Three flushes later, I said goodbye to the gobstobber and left a fresh bowl for the next visitor.

Building superintendent, if you are a reader of this blog, please consider turning your knobs and dials to give our toilets a little more suck and a little less tumble.

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